The cinnamon of love

“After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?” – Bella Swan-Cullen

I don’t know. I feel like blogging in English. Err. I’m sorry. There are just a lot of things coming up, and I feel so emotional. I mean, I always do.

Right now, it’s different.

What’s been happening?

  • I’ve been playing Counter Strike with my block mates and I’m getting addicted, AGAIN.
  • I’ve been going out. Malls specifically. Rob Manila and MOA after class. We don’t have Comski anymore. We’re finished with our defense, so we’re free to go.
  • I’ve been having pain. Pain of conscience of my latest-ended-relationship. What conscience? Conscience of not telling him the real reason why I left him. Come to think about it, we could’ve been 8 months at this very moment.
  • I loved New Moon. It’s better than Eclipse. Well, I can relate with the last part when Edward was telling Bella the reason why he left her and stuff. If I could just type the whole conversation here. Err. I miss him, honestly. Everything about him. I can’t deny the fact that I really do. He changed me a lot. Yep, big effect. He could’ve been the best guy I’ve been with. Pride-off.
  • To share lines from the last part of New Moon. Here goes:
Edward: I didn’t want to do it. It felt like it would kill me to do it, but I knew that if I couldn’t convince you that I didn’t love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that if you thought I’d moved on, so would you.
Bella: After all, how many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?

——
This is kinda what I wanted to tell him when I left him. Mostly the one in bold phrases. :|

Edward: I owe you an apology. No, of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn’t realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought it was safe for you here. So safe…….
Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I’m so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn’t protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn’t work. I’m sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I’ve told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?

Bella: (I didn’t answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response.)

Edward: I’m here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn’t want you, it was the blackest kind of blasphemy……
I need to know why. Is it because I’m too late? Because I’ve hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be. . . quite fair. I won’t contest your decision. So don’t try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I’ve done to you. Can you? …….
I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life….
It seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn’t thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I’m much too selfish…..
It seems you can’t be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us.

That’s where I started crying.

Gawd, I miss him.

Me, Tere & Aaron went to MOA after Algebra. Went to the department store ’cause Tere had to buy something for her mom. Bedsheets and chairpads. Hung out at Starbucks. We talked about relationships, we talked about.. Mostly guys. How to deal with them and stuff. We talked about Candyman. On our way home, we talked about what happened at Chibby’s party. Err. :| Damn that party, full of fun, but full of scandals :)) We’re so excited next term, Starbucks everyday! Yheyy! Can’t wait :) but I’m gonna miss the block :( and him. :|

No classes tomorrow for us MF1J. Saturday sched :>

ME: Ewan ko Aaron. Parang hindi ko feel mag-boyfriend ngayon. Parang gusto ko muna mag-enjoy. At kita niyo naman enjoy ako diba. Pero kung si *toot*, ewan ko din. Naturn-off ako sa mga ginawa niya, or ginagawa pa. Ang cold ko nga sa kanya kanina eh. Ewan. Sana mapansin niya na cold ako. Para ma-realize naman nya.
Aaron: Ako naman, gustung-gusto ko mag-girlfriend. Gusto ko na ngang mag-asawa at magkaanak!

HAHAHAHA! BENTANG BENTA SI AARON :))

Oh gosh. I don’t know. I miss having one, but I think I’m not ready yet. Well, if ever I’m ready, I know who that person is.

And here, to you (you know who you are): Just because I’m falling for someone else, doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. There’s a big difference of falling in love and loving someone.

8 months na dapat kami ngayon eh. Ehhhhhh. Ayun. :(

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7 thoughts on “The cinnamon of love

  1. Wala na talaga. Haha :) Matagal na kasi nya hinihingi sakin ung digicam ko. Since, nagpapabili ako ng new, balak ko bigay sa knya. Pero kung ganito rin lang, I won’t give it to him na lang. I’m not confused with him anymore. Everything should be stopped asap. Kaines!Still missing him huh?

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  2. Ahahaha. Oo, di ko kasi siya matiis and I’ve got the go signal from my mom. Meaning, approve si mommy na ibigay sa kanya yung cam. Sayang. Siya lang talaga yung tanga. Hahahaha :) JokeAt marami din iba jan kaya wag mu xa ma-miss. Hahahaha :) Sina chever anjan pa. Hahaha :D Well me, I’m starting na sanayin ung sarili ko na wala xa. Hahah :D Di ko na xa pinapansin eh, except if it is needed to

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  3. <>@Cez:<> Ohmygulay. He’s really part of your family. Naks. WAIT! But with what the way he is treating you right now, is that family? ERR.Oo nga eh! Tulad na lang ni :D Hay. Kung sa bagay, masasanay ka din :PActually, I’ve been doing that to chever blockmate. Have I told you that that. He called me sa phone. Err. :| as in cellphone. :| And guess what happened? :))

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  4. Yeah, he is. Sort of. Hahaha :) My mom used to ask me about him na hindi ko masagot nang maayos coz I’m pissed. Parang my mom’s disappointed with and yet, she still wants him for me. Hay naku. Sanay na ako sa katangahan nya. Hahaha :) Never na ako mage-expect ng kahit anu from him. Wait, what happened? Kwento. Hahaha ;)Gabi na kami pumunta at nagmamadali kami. As in after we got the tarp, we went off agad. Yeah, gastos. Humabol pa sa Christmas. Hahaha :D

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