What Makes It Real

Someone asked me, “What makes a relationship real?” I answered, “I really don’t know.” This conversation was 8 years ago, and yes I was 15 back then.

I didn’t know what to answer since at 15, I was having the feeling of you and me against the world type of thing, I thought that kind of puppy love would be forever, like you feel you are ready to settle down and marry the guy you love, and like you’ll beat all the odds and you thought it would be forever in your favor Hunger Games type of shit. I was wrong.

I know we have all experienced the kind of relationship we would be ready to fight for. I know we have all loved someone who loved us more. I know we have all dreamt of happily ever after but Disney fucked our minds up.

Just to be a little bit open, I already had a total of four relationships.

The first one was the most bizarre and toxic relationship. The kind of relationship that you’ll do anything kind of love, especially answering to your parents and elder siblings. Showing the whole world that you don’t care and just do what you want for that person. This kind of relationship reached the highest and lowest forms of evil. The kind of relationship when you start to drink and come home late because you don’t want to go anywhere but release the pain in any way. Pagpapaka-martyr > pagpapakatanga kasi first love ang tawag dito. This relationship taught me how to be strong and how to control, mind over matter and not heart over mind and matter.

The second relationship was topsy-turvy. It was hard dealing with someone whom you expect a lot from especially if you came from a toxic relationship. All of the fear, anxiety and demand was present. I wouldn’t call this relationship a panakip-butas. I was 17 and I guess, it was the time that I thought, this would make things better of my character but I guess, things just don’t work out when you least expect them. This relationship taught me how to be calm, confident and firm with decisions.

The third relationship was the shortest. It lasted for a month and I still have not learned from the past. I guess this part also deserves a short explanation. He just woke up one day and realized the love was gone. This relationship taught me to control my character and wake up one day realizing to love the person you are meant for.

Finally, the current relationship. Where do I – or how do I even start? Actually and honestly in the first place, I wasn’t expecting this would last for more than 2 years. Why? Based on my past relationships, I have always felt that the next relationships would get worse and worse. I knew something was wrong with me. I knew that when I enter a relationship, I would make the person disappointed, hurt and somehow lost but hell yeah this man surprised me. He was not my type, physically. He had no braces, he was not chinito-conyo and he was not boy-next-door. That was the first thing I learned, that you don’t always fall in love with the person you dream of physically. With his personality, we really don’t suit well if you may ask me. We both have the same strong personality. It surprised me again. Likes and dislikes? Well, we have a FEW in common. He likes things I’m not interested with but of course I still listen, and damn he surprised me more.

So what was it? How could I fall in love with someone who was totally the opposite of my dream partner? Maybe because he cares, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry and makes me laugh again, he makes fun of me, he shows me my worst, he makes me to be best at something, he always makes me excited when I’m about to see him, he respects my family, he makes me swoon, he makes me pinch his cute face, he makes me feel beautiful, he shows how important I am, he’s patient with my unbelievable moods, sometimes he gets on my nerves but he understands, and I guess well… He loves me.

Maybe that’s one thing that most of the people do not know about when they get in a relationship. They always think it would always be easy, happy and cuddly. It is not about being happy because you are in love, it is making someone else happy because you love him or her. I’ll be honest that our relationship is not perfect but when it comes to difficult times, he never left me. What more for the good times, right? He always showed me how it is to fight for someone because that someone is deserving of your love, time and faith.

What makes a relationship real are the two people in it. How transparent they are to each other, how ugly they could look without taking a bath, how stressed you are with each other, how madly in love are you with each other and how crazy the world gets but you still end up fixing things before it is too late. That is one thing I admire about this relationship, it is not perfect, we are not perfect but we make each other happy. I’m also thankful for the past relationships I had since they taught me how to handle things and I guess, the reason of meeting them is to be the better person for this special person right now with me. We think of regretting things in the past but you will soon realize that things do happen for a reason, a good reason (well, maybe a better reason).

For this to be stated, I have to say that even though I am not with a perfect boyfriend, I know he will do anything to be the perfect person to make me and our daughter happy. He may not be the perfect boyfriend but I am confident he will be a perfect father.



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