Under The Bridge

I am now drinking coffee and eating a donut which would make me sound I’m a policeman but to tell you honestly, I’m a victim and can also be a criminal.

Ending 2015 was such a whirlwind for me. As you can observe with my previous posts, I was in the process of letting go my – in which some people call it, “one great love.” I could not fathom considering the fact that he was my first love.

Since it’s already February, it’s the season when everybody writes about love. Ha. Love. The ever so endearing noun and verb the reason all human beings exist.

The reason why some of us do not like to exist.

I’ve been in toxic and complicated relationships now and then but to tell you honestly, after all of the people I wanted to love (last year) and to the people I cannot love, I planned my 2016 to give less attention to this motherfucking idea of love.

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But again, planning is not really my forte.

The start of my year was great. I have come to the realization that sticking to someone for a decade is not really healthy and expecting others to love you in return is really a bad habit. So what I did is I planned on concentrating my 2016 with friends and family. Family is given, actually even my friends. I planned traveling with them the whole year this year (also to mention that I wanted to ride an airplane, such a loser haha).  Also, two of my closest friends this year are getting married so… Ha. Love.

As much as I want to love someone, shit really will happen. It’s either they don’t feel the same way (which is fucking okay because that’s the point of polarity), they are married, they are in a relationship,  they love me but I can’t have the same exact feeling as well.

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So I got tired. I told myself that I should guard and rest my heart because eating the shit you get from people is way more than unhealthy.

And then, someone arrived.

Yes, I got tired. I mean, I’ve been telling this person it’s okay to be friendly because I would just really like to be friends. And for the record, I told him that I already have a child and I’m a single parent (yes, I told him from the moment he wanted to know me). That’s it. I’m shutting out people because I’m tired of chasing them.

But this certain person is kinda persistent. I cannot say as of now because it’s been a week that we started talking and he really wants to see me, but I’ve been asking myself and my friends if I should give this a shot.

After all that I have just said, what do you think?

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What I think? I’m just going to let him do he’s thing. I am not going to meet him just because he says so. I will make him drive through hell and between if he has to. If he gives up, then he’s not worthy. But if he proves me wrong, let’s say I’ll give it half a year, then we shall see. But I doubt. He would really be that persistent with a single parent? Ha.

See, I’m tired always volunteering in playing this game.

Even though I stopped chasing people, and from the moment I did not want to be involved in any kind of relationship even now, do you think that this certain person arrived at the most unexpected time? The exact time that I don’t want to love yet or be in a relationship yet?

Oh, the irony. When destiny really wants to fuck you up, it really does.

The coffee shop that I’m at is really under the bridge aside from making a reference to the title of my favorite Chili Peppers. 🚟

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