Why Break-Ups Are A Blessing

Scratch all the bitterness, we’re alive to keep on going.

Chaka ng introduction. I can’t think of anything better to make a negative situation turn into a positive one.

For the past months, everyone has been experiencing break-ups. Not only in Hollywood but my friends as well. What I meant was my friends in Hollywood, chos. Oh, ako rin pala! Hahaha.

Which is very okay. I will say this to you, it is very okay. Kebs ko if you’ve been in a relationship for 10 years, 4 years or 2 months. A break-up is a break-up and you invested love and time in the relationshit you had.

Magpapakatotoo na ako and I’ll tell you straightforward ano tumatakbo sa utak ng ex mo and ano dapat ang tumakbo sa utak mo.

This is what I have to say to my friends who kept on whining and their hearts breaking: (technically, which I also told myself)

“Sayang na sayang yung oras, sakripisyo at pagmamahal na ibinigay ko sa kanya!”

Nope. Hindi siya sayang. It was your choice to love him and to be in that relationship. It was a mutual decision from the start that you’ll have each other. Don’t regret the time and love you invested on each other. Everyone deserves to be loved. Kaya inis na inis ako sa mga taong, “Hindi ka nya deserve.” na line. Just to share to you my favorite conversation in the movie, Fireproof:

 

John Holt: Caleb, if I had to ask you why you’re so frustrated with Catherine, what would you say?

Caleb Holt: She’s stubborn. She makes everything difficult for me. She’s ungrateful. She’s constantly griping about something.

John Holt: Has she thanked you for anything you’ve done in the last 20 days?

Caleb Holt: No! And you’d think after I washed the car, changed the oil, do the dishes, washed the house, that she would try to show me a little bit of gratitude, but she doesn’t. In fact, when I come home, she makes me feel like I’m an enemy! I’m not even welcome in my own home, dad! That is what really ticks me off! Dad, for the last three weeks I have bent over backwards for her! I have tried to demonstrate that I still care about this relationship. I bought her flowers, which she threw away. I have taken her insults and her sarcasm, but last night was it. I made dinner for her. I did everything I could to demonstrate that I care about her, to show value for her, and she spat in my face! She does not deserve this, dad! I am not doing it anymore! How am I supposed to show love to somebody over and over and over, who constantly rejects me?

John Holt: [John Holt strokes the wooden cross, and turns to Caleb] That’s a good question.

Caleb Holt: Dad, that is not what I’m doing.

John Holt: Is it?

Caleb Holt: No. Dad, that is not what this is about.

John Holt: Son, you just asked me: how can someone show love over and over again when they’re constantly rejected? Caleb, the answer is: you can’t love her, because you can’t give her what you don’t have. I couldn’t truly love your mother until I understood what love truly was. It’s not because I get some reward out of it. I’ve now made a decision to love your mother whether she deserves it or not. Son, God loves you, even though you don’t deserve it. Even though you’ve rejected Him. Spat in His face. God sent Jesus to die on the cross for your sin, because He loves you. The cross was offensive to me, until I came to it. But when I did, Jesus Christ changed my life. That’s when I truly began to love your mom. Son, I can’t settle this for you. This is between you and the Lord. But I love you too much not to tell you the truth. Can’t you see that you need Him? Can’t you see that you need His forgiveness?

Caleb Holt: Yes.

John Holt: Will you trust Him with your life?

“Paano na yung mga pangako niya? Sabi niya mahal niya ako. Sabi niya hindi niya ako iiwan.”

Wag kang tanga o bobo. Promises are made because of the high emotions why he or she made those promises. Everyone will leave you. Everything in this world is temporary. Kahit magulang mo mamamatay. Kaya lesson learned, habang nandiyan pa yung tao, you just have to love each other and make it work. If iniwan mo siya, ask yourself bakit mo siya iniwan? Maybe there’s something wrong with you or maybe you didn’t really want to make the relationship work. If iniwan ka, he’s not worth it. Eh paano na yung he doesn’t deserve me? Wait, just to clarify. Magkaiba yung hindi ka niya deserve sa hindi worth it. Explain ko ha.

Hindi ka niya deserve – Kasi nga, everyone deserves to be loved. Please see quote above.

Hindi siya worth it – He’s not worth the time and effort na isipin mo pa siya if how he is, etc. He’s not worth nang balikan. The fact na tinapos na niya or kahit habulin ka pa niya, he/she had all the chance to fix it but no, hindi na siya worth pag-aksayahan ng panahon. So stop wasting your time stalking him/her. Never block him or her though – I think this is the practice people should stop doing. Ang dating kasi ng pag-block, parang never kayo nagmahal or nagkaroon ng something special. At least, there’s still respect for each other – kahit yun na lang. Unfriend, pwede pa kasi meron naman kayong pinagsamahan. If the time comes that you’ve finally forgiven each other, you can still be friends naman but civil na lang. Kayo na mamroblema sino mag-add kanino hahaha!

The Reality:

For whatever reason bakit ka niya iniwan, mabuti nang iniwan ka niya. Here are the reasons why is it a blessing:

  1. Hindi ka niya mahal. Itaga mo sa bato. Ilagay mo sa kukote mo. Lagi mong isipin araw-araw na hindi ka niya mahal. Kasi kung mahal ka niya talaga, he or she will make it work. Both of you will always look for a way to compromise things. Iniwan ka niya kasi takot siya at hindi ka niya kaya ipaglaban. He or she just gave validation sa mga doubts mo. Hugot pa. He or she just showed he or she is not worth your time and effort. Ang taong mahal ka will stay all throughout your life. Kahit wala na kayo, nandiyan parin siya to help and guide you or just basically be there. Ang taong mahal ka, kaya kang ipaglaban at kaya niyang ipaglaban ka hanggang kamatayan.
  2. Wala kang karapatan mag-mukmok at maging malungkot. There are many better things in life. Your family who is always there to support you. Your friends who will always make you happy. Your work to keep you busy. Mas maraming bagay ang dapat mo ikasaya. Try to weigh things. Will you be focusing on a lot of things that make you happy or will you be focusing on one damn thing not worthy of your time? Masisira lang mukha mo kahit sira na talaga chos, ma-strestress ka lang. :)
  3. Wag ka magsisi na ibinigay mo lahat or sobra sobra ang pagmamahal mo. Hindi ka nagkulang. Hindi ka nawalan. At least the fact na alam mo yun, makes you the wiser and better person. The fact na iniwan ka niya is a message na alam mo ikaw yung nagmahal ng totoo because you never thought of leaving the person in the first place.
  4. Meron talagang para sayo. Technically kasi hindi ako naniniwala na meron mas dadating na okay (to quote Popoy sa One More Chance). It doesn’t happen all the time.

Just to give you a background, as of the present (haha) I had a total of 5 relationships.  The first 3 ended so well. The first was my best relationship so far and until now we’re best friends. The second, we’re very civil. The third was the best break-up because he had the balls to say it to my face. He even stayed until I went home. The fourth, the father of my child – siyempre, wala nang usapan why it did not end so well. The most recent, well pervert lang. Hahaha

So diba? It’s not always “There is someone better”, or “May mas dadating na okay kaya tayo iniiwan ng mga mahal natin.” It just depends on the situation. Malay mo yung taong para sayo is nakilala mo na, hindi palang talaga time para sa inyong dalawa because you are still in the process of building your character for the best relationship God will be giving you. Or, pwede rin hindi mo pa nakilala. Malay mo, ako pala ay para sayo. Chos. Wait, straight ako. Baka girl nagbabasa nito. Hahaha!

5. Every relationship is a lesson or a testimony. I think this is cliche already but it’s true. We always learn from our mistakes. It makes us realize what we lack, what we can offer and what should we receive in return. In the end, you become wiser and better. With this, you can share to others your experience so they won’t undergo the same situation or rather they will know what to do and what not to do – whatsoever. At least naging blessing ka pa for others! :)

Though, don’t lose hope guys and girls. Time heals all wounds. Bit by bit and relationship by relationship, matututo kang mag-stand up for yourself. Sa recent break-up that I had, to be honest, nung gabing iniwan ako yun lang yung gabing umiyak ako – siguro minutes lang after he talked to me. The next few minutes, super saya ko na. Nabunutan ng tinik. So talagang hindi talaga worth it. Diba? Mararamdaman mo talagang hindi worth it haha. It’s all in the mind eh. It’s all a choice.

This is what I have to tell you though, if you’re in a relationship right now, please please make it work. There is no assurance that if your current relationship ends, the next would be a better one. Every relationship has its downfall and best times but it’s still your choice how will you make it work. Habang nandiyan pa kayo para sa isa’t isa, try to complete each other na, please? Yun lang ang request ko. :D

And for those who are single and still searching, patience is really a virtue. I believe the longer you are patient, the better yung ibabalik sayo ng universe. The fact na nagmahal ka na ng sobra, babalik lahat yan sa’yo. But don’t expect na in the form of a romantic love, pwede rin siyempre love from your family and friends. :)

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