The Daily Prompt: Apology

In response to The Daily Prompt’s Apology

I apologize for writing this just now because it is a good time to write it. I apologize for not using the right words you want to hear, it’s okay since you never heard my voice anyway. I apologize for not making you possible as of this moment because I know such possibilities are always underestimated.

Apologizing was never my thing. I am a proud and tough person. Apologizing has led me to a path where I feel that I have betrayed myself.

Though coming across The Daily Post, I think now is the right time.

I apologize for being Your imperfect daughter. I know You made all of us imperfect but there are just times that I know what is right yet I still do the wrong things. Destroying my body, Your temple – Your realm connection. I have lost my dignity to people who used me. I have lost my tranquility with vices. I have lost my strength not being determined to uplift my own strength. I have lost myself within this influential world that it is You whom I should be running to.

I apologize for not being your favorite daughter. I apologize for not providing financially during the earlier times when the whole world was looking at us and kicking us out. I apologize for not being your perfectionist-and-knowing-everything daughter. I apologize for not always being responsible and for not always being at home. I’m just basically sorry for not being her – I can’t give all of your perfect expectations but this I know and I can give it you, an imperfect person with a true heart.

I apologize for hurting you. I know I have hurt you several times but you have also hurt me several times. I apologize for not giving you a child because maybe we were never meant to have one. I apologize for loving you too much that we grew apart and had our own ways but I have been keeping my promise of staying beside you all throughout your life and after it. I apologize for not saying ‘I love you too’ when you said you did. I apologize for regretting that moment everyday.

I apologize for not being there with you physically. As much as I want to tell you how much I want to make you happy, it’s only through words that I can express them. You have made me a different person – happier, braver and stronger. I apologize for not saying thank you because if I did, you’d know by now how much I like you. I apologize for not admitting that I really like you because I’m choosing the moment wherein I just want to enjoy every laugh and non-sense topics or stories we share. I apologize for guarding my heart and expecting less between us because all of these just might fade again or end in friendship.

I apologize to you guys for not always being in the most extravagant occasions or even greeting you at exactly 12AM on your birthdays. I apologize to you guys if I don’t get to reply or backread all of your messages because I have been busy with work. I apologize for the times I didn’t get to spend time with you when you needed someone asap to have a drinking, food or movie buddy.

I apologize for being your mother at a very young age wherein I am not capable of providing much of needs and wants. I apologize for denying to myself and to the world that you were in my tummy. I apologize, in behalf of your admittedly douche bag father, of what he did and please do forgive him. I apologize for that 1 hour you were struggling inside my tummy and I can’t push you out yet. I apologize for the times I went home late because of work instead of reading you a Minnie Mouse book. I apologize for the times I get to shout at you but you know, in my heart I was just teaching you a lesson. I apologize for the times I can’t buy all of the toys you want because mommy does not have enough money. I apologize for not taking good care of you as everyone expects it to be but this I know for sure, I love you more than myself because you’re one of the few people in this world I’d really die for.

And I apologize, if in the future, you decide to write this kind of letter.

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